Mah Tortured Little Simmies

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The Niji Legacy 3.3

Hi, pohtaytohs here!  Last update, Kii was snooping on his son's sexytimes, scarring his grandchildren for life, and...well, just being a big ol' creep in general.  Chris, being pregnant with the last baby of the generation, was constantly puking and dirtying up the toilets; so much so, in fact, that Carl the manmaid showed his true colors and tried to murder her!  D=  Brittany tortured a new generation of Niji kids, and Brenda kept lurking around the property as usual.  Since I had just gotten Free Time, I had a lot of fun seeing what the guys' OTHs turned out to be...especially when Kii discovered his passion for tinkering while unclogging a toilet.  XD  Poor Strawberry was still mistaken for a placenta by dumbass Orenji, even after he aged up into a toddler along with Brick.  (By the way, at that birthday party, another sim was added to the Niji Creeper Hall of Fame: Cory, Chris' coworker who just couldn't stop getting bonerific around Kathleen.  Kii got fat and was upset when I made him exercise it off, and Chris gave birth to a baby girl whom I resisted the urge to name Placenta and instead named her Maroon!  Before too long she was a toddler, and the Adonis twins became kids!  Both of them were cute, even though Brick didn't look much like his man-mama.  (Oh, and did I mention that he's a tree-hugging kook?  Moving on.)  I sent Akai, Scarlet, Brick, and Strawberry on a little outing with their grandpa, and they all bothered the crap out of each other.  Almost as if he was taking a cue from his father, Orenji also put on some weight, which was eventually discovered by Chris, to her dismay.  Akai and Scarlet aged up into teens not too long after that.  When we last left off, Scarlet was a gorgeous Romance sim, while Akai was...well, he had no upper lip.  At all.

Heyyy, how's it going losing the pudge, Orenji?

Orenji: Actually, I'm starting to feel a crippling pain in my---

Awesome!  I'm going out with the teens now!  I'll see you later!

Orenji: 8[

You guys ready to go out for a night on the town?

Akai: You bet!

Scarlet: Actually, I was kind of looking forward to getting to drive the car...


Scarlet: o_o  ...

I have a feeling that this is a touchy subject.  Let's get going.

Yeah, I know.  The alien cashier's hot.  Like that's anything new.

Oh, hey, Craig!  =D

Craig: Oh, great, it's this family again.  I wonder how they're going to disregard my feelings today...

Well, you don't have to wonder anymore!  Come on in, Scarlet!

Scarlet: Hot damn!  Auntie Sunset must have some really bad taste, because I can't wait to get a slice of this cashier's ass!

...Wait, seriously?  This is a first.  Score one for Craig!

Scarlet: Hey there...pal.

Craig: Um, hi...?

Scarlet: Uh...  Shit, he's even more gorgeous up close!  What do I even SAY to a stud like this?!

Aww, just say what's in your heart!  I'm sure anything that's sincere will make desperate little Craig happy!

Scarlet: So, Craig...I, um, like your smock.  It fits your abs quite well.  Your sexy, toned abs...

Craig: Sweet words, but I know that deep down you're really a viper, just like everyone else in your horrid family.

Scarlet: What?!  But I---

Leave him, Scarlet.  This dick just lost the chance of a lifetime.  >=[

Ooh, who's the sexy lady?

Oh, hi, Brittany.  Where are you headed?

Brittany: A singles bar.


Brittany: Nah, just kidding.  I'm on my way to a babysitting job.  Which is pretty much like a singles bar.

Good god, people hire you?!

Can't say I blame Akai for not exactly finding Miss No-No Place attractive.

Well, look at who we haven't seen in forever!  It's Shenene!

Ooh, really?  ;D

Akai: Ohmahgawd.  This is sooo meant to be.

Akai: Hey, babe.  You want some of this?

Shenene: Hell yeah I do!

Maitre d: Ugh.  >X[  *does not approve of in-public boner time in her restaurant*

Akai: Whaddya say to going somewhere a little more...private?

Shenene: I'm in!

Maitre d: *whisper*  Hello, could I get the number for To Catch a Predator?

Yeah, seriously.  Didn't Shenene turn down Orenji way back when so she wouldn't be a total cougary creep?

Shenene: But this is different!  This young man is my soulmate!

Whatever you say...

Akai: So, about that private, secluded place I mentioned earlier...may I suggest the photo booth?



Still, though, at the rate these guys are moving, I better keep an eye on them.

Scarlet: Ugh, I'm tired of watching him score more than me!  Can I go home now?
Don't worry.  Soon it'll be your turn to whore---I mean, score.

See, I told you this guy moves fast.  It's almost like he should be the Romance sim...

Oh god.  They're chicken lips.  DX  I'm tempted to give you surgery, Akai, I really am.

Shenene: Mmph, that was a damn good kiss!  *sneaks a peek at Akai's package*

Akai: You know, baby, if you go out with me, you can look at my impressive package anytime you like.  ;]

Shenene: Deal!

Wow.  Only four hours of being a teenager and Akai's already got a girlfriend.  Somebody's got game.

Well, Scarlet's waited long enough.  Let's find her a manmeat!  (Also, that teen townie?  Yeah, she's actually a matchmaker.  Kathleen's not the only one I've aged down.)

Wow, no pedophiles!  That's always a good sign.

Well, what have we here?  That emo Maxis townie cleans up very nicely!

Scarlet: He sure does.  ;3

Tyson: You're so beautiful and nice and perfect...

Scarlet: Aww, you're so sweet!  Teehee!  *fake modesty*

Tyson: And your hair's awfully silky and fragrant, too...  *sniffs*

Scarlet: Um...

Tyson: Oh man, it's all I can do not to lock you up in my basement with the others!  Too bad I'm all out of whips...

Scarlet: O_O


Or just hit him with a pillow filled with rocks.  That works too.

Tyson: Ooh, baby, that hurts a little!  How did you know what I'm into?  ;D

Scarlet, I really think you need to leave---

Scarlet: No!  If Akai got his first kiss, then I'm gonna get mine, too!

Ugh, fine.  But don't blame me if he gets the wrong idea.

Tyson: Oh, my lovely Scarlet!  You know how to tickle me just the right way!

Scarlet: You bet your ass I do.  *nuzzle*

Tyson: You know what?  I don't care if I'm out of whips!  I'll make room!

Hell no!  Scarlet, let's get out of he---

Tyson: Upsie daisy!  Let's go to a better future, my lady!  *carries off*

Scarlet: Hellllllllpppppppppp...

Fine, just this once.

After a little pepper spray and a quick call to the cops, Scarlet made it back home safely with Akai.  Once they got there, I realized that their parents had finally earned their career rewards!!!  =D  So, um, this is Orenji's...yeah.  Meh.

But this is Chris'!  Much more interesting.

Dead Baby in the Corner: Yeah, definitely.  What was that other one, again?  A dinky little lamp or something?

I don't even know.  -_-

Orenji: Heyyy, welcome back!  Guess who just lost that extra weight!

Jesus, Orenji, all I wanted was for you to ditch the beer belly.  I didn't ask for you to turn into a 1950's Barbie doll.

Looks like somebody was all tuckered out from his night on the town!  He couldn't even make it to his own bed!

Strawberry: Um, thanks but no thanks.  I'm not sleeping in the same bed as a dude.

But I didn't even ask you to---

Strawberry: NOT GONNA DO IT.

Well, at least these guys remembered where they sleep...

Orenji: May I spoon thee, o kind and gracious lady of mine?

Chris: ...Have you lost the spare tire yet?

Orenji: Yes, milady!

Chris: Then you may spoon.

Orenji: Oh, tis a happy day indeed!

Scarlet: Awwyeah, I'm diggin' this music!  Dance with me, Akai!

Akai: Um, no.  Not until you put some clothes on.  This isn't gonna be one of those incesty legacies.

Good boy, Akai!

Brick: I'll dance with you, Scarlet!

Scarlet: Thanks!  Dancing is always better in pairs---

Brick: And while we're dancing, perhaps I could inform you of how devastating the hairspray you use is to the environment---

Scarlet: Never mind, go away.  >X[

Strawberry: Mind if I join in, then?  =D

Scarlet: Go right ahead!  =D

...Don't you guys hate each other?

Scarlet: Oh, don't worry.  We still do.  But nothing can stop me from enjoying the ~rhythm~, not even this little turd over here!

Strawberry: Yeah, same here!  If these beats weren't so funky fresh, I'd probably ask the Queen Bitch something like, "That's the best you could do stuffing your bra?" or "Is that cellulite?"

Scarlet: Fuck you.

Oh, those little rascals...

Alice the matchmaker: *sneak*

Ooh, is she gonna give us a magic lamp?  8D  Because I really wanna have Kii wish for long life...

Ah, nope.  She just didn't want Carl to notice her checking out his glorious yet evil ass.

Alice the matchmaker: MMPH.

Carl the manmaid: Why do I feel a tingle...?

Well, as long as she's here, maybe we can get Scarlet a better date.

Nope, guess not.  Thanks a lot, Alice.

Dennis: *Southern accent*  Why hello there, mah nayme's Dennis.  Pleased t'meetcha.

Dennis: Howdy, little lady!  I reckon you must be my date!

Scarlet: You know, I'm not so sure this is going to work out.

Dennis: Now don't you worry, honeybun.  Ah'll be a perfect gentleman.  Ah'm not lookin' for any of that sex or anything.

Scarlet: Oh, I don't know...

Aww, give him a chance!  You can always trust a guy with an accent, right?

Scarlet: *sigh*  Alright.

Dennis: ...

Scarlet: ...

Dennis: ...

Scarlet: *slurp*

Dennis: Are you even old enough to be drinking, little lady?

Scarlet: No, this is "medicine".

Dennis: Ah, I see.  I'm quite familiar with medicine.  I actually have to take some myself.  That's why I always carry around this little medication holder for all my pills.  They're organized for each day of the week.  Wanna see them?  This one's for my bladder, this one's for my colon, this one's for whooping cough...I don't even remember what this one is for...oh, and I reckon this one's for my "manly issues"...

Scarlet: Oh god...

*three hours later*

Dennis: Y'know, I can tell that this date wasn't exactly yer cup of tea, sweet pea.

Scarlet: Hmm.  Really.

Dennis: But I really darn-tootin' appreciate it.  You see, I've been awful lonely since my beloved Martha left me for the angels two years ago...

Scarlet: 8[  *10 nice points kick in*  Oh, wow.  I'm so sorry.

Dennis: No, no, I'm not aimin' to get all sad and mushy.  I just wanna thank you for spending your evening with an old man like me.  It really meant a lot to me.

Scarlet: *sniffle*  8'[

Scarlet: Ohhh, I'm so sorry that I misjudged you, Dennis!  T^T  Here, let's hug it out so you can let out your feeeeeelings!  *bawl*

Dennis: What in the name of Colonel Sanders?!  You can't just go huggin' on random men!  Why, you're one of those harlots, aren't you?!

Scarlet: What?  D=  No, I---

Dennis: Look, missy, I don't think we should do this again.

Scarlet is such a great Romance sim, can't you tell?  But whatever.  Screw you, Dennis; she can get a guy who doesn't have manly issues!

But after all that, he still followed her home.  Maybe he was just trying to play hard to get.

But whatever, I guess we'll just have an extra guest at Maroon's birthday party!

...Wow.  When you have a crapload of cousins and spares, I guess there's never any need to invite over anyone else!

Kii: Make a wish, Maroon!  Wish for ol' Gramps here to have a nice long life! 

Yeah, seriously, Maroon.  His lifebar is halfway full already.  D=

Maroon: *ignores*  Who the hell are all these people?

Looks like she turned out well, but nothing's for sure until another round of the Gene Guessing Game!

Maroon: Seriously, I'm kinda creeped out that all these strangers are staring at me.  I'm a little afraid to turn around.

Genesis and Jack: *creep like they've never creeped before*

Quit it, you guys!

She's definitely cute...

..but she's a clone of her dad.  DX  Besides the black hair and the different skintone, she's pretty much the same.  But who knows?  That's what I first thought about Scarlet, too, so maybe I'll notice something when she gets older.

Chris: Wow, that was a pretty good party for once.  Nobody pissed themselves or anything.

Kii: Hey!

Ever since Orenji got back in shape, he's been totally obsessed with anything fitness.

Orenji: Are you sure that I have to punch this?  That seems like kind of a mean thing to do when it's done absolutely nothing to me...

Look, that's how it works.  You wanna get more skill points or not?

Orenji: I'm not so sure about this...

Just pretend it's talking shit about your mom.

Orenji: Eh, it's worth a shot.  ...What was that?!  You bastard!  I'll have you know that my mother is a beautiful woman, you asshole!  *punch*

Apparently the punching bag started talking shit about Chris too after this, because Orenji started landing roundhouse kicks on it.  XD

~the next day~

Orenji: OMG!  I'm a hunk!

Sure, whatever you say, honey...

Ooh, maybe you were right.  Those abs!  ;D

Orenji's nipple: Ohai  =3

And then a wild chance card appeared.  And then this happened.

Kathleen: ...My life is empty.

Oh my god, Kath, I'm so sorry!!  I should've just hit "ignore", but I thought I totally had it in the bag!

Kathleen: *whimper*

Brittany: *sigh*  This is always the worst part of my job.  If I didn't get to touch drive the little kids, I'd just quit altogether.

Kathleen: 30 years...I work my ass off there for 30 years and the second I make a mistake, they just toss me out in the dust.

So, in case you didn't guess, I got Kath fired.  =[  She was one promotion away from reaching the top of the lawyer career, too!  One!  Argh, I feel so bad!

Kathleen: *sniffle*

Oh god, I think I broke her.  D=

Well, on a happier note, Chris had a want to win a dance contest, so I finally got to try out the hobby lots!

Chris: Awwyeah...I've totally got this competition in the bag.  >=]

Uh, maybe that's because you're the only one here, Chris.

Ah, there we go!  We've got Prof. Edward, Noelle the dance hobby chick, and Vivian, the police officer with ~style~!

Chris: Seriously, guys, I'm totally gonna beat your asses at this.  Just warning you.

Prof Edward: Whatever, bitch...

Noelle the dance hobby chick: That's the spirit!  A real opponent has to have confidence!

Vivian the stylish cop: You guys are all talk.  Let's just get on with it already.

Chris wasn't lying.  She actually is a pretty awesome smustler.

And even though Noelle looks like she's broken her neck here...

...she's actually doing quite well, too.  The others, however...

Vivan the stylish cop: Psst!  Ed!  How do you do this dance again?

Prof. Edward: Wait, you don't know?  Shit, I was just copying you!

Anyway, the winner was...Vivian?!

Vivan the stylish cop: Wait, what?  I thought that the jerky chick was going to win...

Yeah, so did I.

And so did everyone else.

Chris: Yeah, that's right.  Y'all know I'm the best!

Well, everyone except for Ed, apparently.

Prof. Edward: OMG, I cannot believe the discrimination that is going on here!  Guys can dance just as well as girls can!  Plus, I'm a professor!  Didn't you take my bribe?  Don't you know how many credentials I had to get before I could even make that kind of money?!  This is so unfair and I would like to speak to the manager and blah blah blah...  *rage* *rage* *rage*

Psh, sore loser.

Might as well try again so Chris can get those aspiration points!  This time it's a solo dance competition.

Chris: Wait, you take bribes?

Chris: Because I'll totally pay you some big bucks if you let me win---

Chris, talking isn't gonna get you anywhere!  Hurry up and dance!

Hmm, maybe you should've bribed him after all.  You kind of suck at this.

Chris: That's what I was trying to tell you!

Well, at least you're not as bad as Ed over here.  He thinks you guys are still doing the smustle.

Chris and Noelle: Wow.  *facepalm*

But I guess it doesn't matter how sucky you are, because Chris won after all!  Yay!

Chris: You hear that, guys?  I'm the dance master.  Bow down to my overflowing expertise!

Vivan the stylish cop: But I won one too, so I don't think that you're really---


Noelle the dance hobby chick: You know, I kind of do this as a career.  Shouldn't I be the dance master?


Vivian the stylish cop: ...'Kay.  3=

Noelle the dance hobby chick: Hmph.  >=|

Geez, somebody's hyper-competitive.  Hope it doesn't rub off on the kids.  o_o

Despite that little...outburst, Chris still managed to make nice with Vivian.  I'm excited about this development, because hey, maybe I can save her for one of the kids!  ;]

~back at home~

Kii: Doo dee doo dee doo, just having my daily dose of porn on the family's computer...


Kii: Huh?  Oh, shit!  *clicks off monitor*  ...How long have you been standing there?

Wait, you do this on the family computer?  A.k.a. the one your grandchildren use? 

Kii: And your point is...?  Look, is this gonna take much longer?  This place kind of charges me by the minute and---

So that's where all our money has been going?!  Er, never mind.  Look, put the porn away for now.  I need you to do something.  See Kathleen over there?

Kathleen: Why do I even bother waking up at all if every moment of my life is pain?!  GRAAAAH---

Kii: Um, yeah.  ._.

She's been really down ever since they let her go at the law firm.  Do you think you could maybe take her out on the town and make her feel better?

Kii: Oh yeah, sure thing!  I was actually wondering why she's been so depressed recently...I kinda thought she'd found my porn stash and...well, let's just say that I thought I'd wake up in the morning like a certain John Bobbit...

Kii, everyone but you seems to filter themselves when they talk.  It's a virtue, you know.

Kii: But it's one of my many quirks!  Kinda like my addiction to pornography!

...Just go already.  -_-

Kathleen: Thanks for taking me out, honey, but I'd rather just stay in bed---  *crack*

Oh my god!  Kathleen, your wrist!

Kathleen: Hmmm.  Would you look at that.  Somehow it doesn't hurt nearly as much as when that crooked-ass bunch of pricks stabbed be in the back and threw me out on the street...

Kii: D=  Um...

Good luck, Kii.

Ohh, good idea, Kii!  Gambling!  That'll take her mind off this whole situation.

Kathleen: Heh.  This is the money I could've earned as the best lawyer in the tri-state area...Life's a bitch, ain't it.  *sob*

Okaaay, I take that back.  Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Kii: Wow, I don't think I've ever seen her cry before...it must be really rough.  I just wish that there was something I could do.

Kii: Ah, oh well.  Come here, honey!  Let it all out!

Kathleen: WAAAAAAH, it's just not fair!

...You guys know you're in public, right?

Kii: That's what makes it even sexier.

Um, what?

Kii: Here, darling!  Let me dry those tears---with my mouth! 

Kathleen: Oh, Kii!  <3

Kii: Hey, that was a good one!  Better put it in my arsenal for later use!  Like, say, when she finds out I have a pornography addiction!

Somehow I have a feeling that this is crossing the line of "cheering up" into the realm of public indecency.

Georgia: Yeah, seriously, people!  Can't an underage girl go to a bar and drink herself silly in peace?!

Apparently not.

Kathleen: Mmmmm...  X3

Kii: ...I'll meet you in the car.

Huh.  I guess when it comes down to it, carsex can solve anything.  Good to know.

~once again, back at home~

Chris: UGH.  D=<

Something wrong?

Chris: Orenji's old-ass parents just finished having sex, I know it.

How would you know that?  You haven't been watching them, have you?

Chris: Ew, of course not!  It's just that Orenji was snoring so I came in here and...well, I felt something like a spidey-sense, only worse.

Oh.  That is kind of gross.

But you know, Chris, after the heir gets back from college, it won't be too long before you and Orenji start having old people sexytimes, too.

Chris: What?!  No we won't!

What, you think you're never gonna get old?

Chris: I don't think it, I know it.

Look, Chris, everybody's gotta go sometime.



Kathleen: Hi, Fanta!  Yeah, I'm doing better now...Hmm?  Why?  Well, now I'm getting to buy all the stuff I ever dreamed of with that severance package those assholes gave me!

Kath, I don't think that's what severance packages are for---


Since Kathleen still won't listen to me, so long, ol' Niji truck!  In you lots of sex fun was had.

Say hello to the official Niji pimpmobile!  Too bad it's not one of those electric cars, though.  Brick's gonna have a field day with this one.

So, Maroon, how was your first day with Brittany?

Maroon: Just a sec, lemme open this note she gave me first...

Maroon: ...-_-"  What the fuck, lady?  This is a love letter!  I'm gonna tell my parents about this...

Brittany: Oh, sweetie, you're so naive!  They already know!  *giggle*  There's no escape.

Maroon: Heeeeeeeeeelllllppppppp!!!

Alice the matchmaker: Huh?  What was that?

Scarlet: Eh, it's probably the wind.  Anyway, about the last date you gave me...

Alice the matchmaker: Ah, you mean Dennis?  Wasn't he such a Southern gentleman?

Scarlet: Well, yeah, but he wasn't quite what I was looking for.

Alice the matchmaker: Hmm, I see.  Then could you be specific in what you are looking for?

Scarlet: Oh, I dunno...someone who doesn't lie in the age group of gray pubic hair, I guess.

Will Scarlet finally find luck with love?  Well, LJ's been really stupid and won't let me have this whole update in one post, so find out by clicking here!

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NIJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!! <--That was my reaction when I saw the teaser pic on the legacychallenge!! =D

... now I'm gonna go read it :)

Agh, this took me way too damn long! DX I'm so glad I finally got it up after, what, 3 months?


New Orenji Ken Doll comes with glasses, talking nipple, and fuzzy orange hair! (Ex-prostitute spouse sold seperately)

Maroon's really pretty! I think she might have Chris's face, possibly.

Speaking of Chris, she's aging so gracefully, isn't she? XD

Hell yeah! I'd buy that doll! ;D

I love how she turned out! I think she got most of Orenji's features save for a few, but she bears enough resemblence to Chris that I didn't exclude her from the heir poll.

She really is! XD It seems like she's morphed from being really mean to being really...Orenji-esque. I guess it's inevitable when you are around certain people for such a long period of time...

Thanks for reading! <3

So would I. XD
And in a way I can! Whenever I get my new computer, I'll stuff it full of expansions and stuff packs, start an uglacy for the lulz, and build Lenina a giant castle where Orenji and anyone else I decide to stick in there can watch the horror unfold. MUAHAHAAA

HA! XD I hope this is an actual plan, because now I'm totally pumped for it!!

It is!
Only I'm going to finish the Cainos and two other things first, since I need time to acquire all that. XD

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