Mah Tortured Little Simmies

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The Niji Legacy--Spare Update #2

Hi, pohtaytohs here!  Last spare update, the pregnant idiots Fanta and Genesis moved into a house of their own.  It could've just been because of the pregnancy hormones, but Fanta started acting like a real dick (a female dick, of course), so Genesis was not on the best terms with her wife after having to give birth to baby Jennifer all by herself.  Literally two seconds later Fanta gave birth to Bea, though, so at least her dickishness subsided. Meanwhile, Sunset, Apricot, and their husbands got a house, which surprisingly didn't suck too much!  It soon became apparent to me that having two vampires would be hard work, as Sunset and Jeff were both completely retarded and refused to stay in their coffins during the day.  Apricot and Sunset got preggo before too long; Apricot's first trimester went off without a hitch, but poor ol' Sunset was always on her hands and knees...in front of the toilet while puking, you guys!  Damn, get your minds out of the gutter...  Anyway, once they began to show, the sisters' roles were reversed; Apricot began having mega mood swings while Sunset became perfectly content.  Orenji was always following Sunset home from work and being a totally adorable older brother.  Apricot got depressed that she wasn't getting such attention and paid Megan the maid to be her friend.  Soon after she gave birth---to triplets, ugh!  DX  Two were boys (Carter and Peter), and the youngest was a girl named Lucy.  Later that day Sunset gave birth as well...TO FUCKING QUADS.  Two were boys and two were girls, all of whom were named after characters in Twilight: Edward Jacob, Alice, Jasper, and Renesmee.  In order to make space for all seven little horrors, I had to delete the pool and replace it with what I named the Baby Barn.  A nanny was promptly hired, and upon realizing that she was completely awesome I dubbed her a knight Competent Nanny #2.  Frighteningly, I found Brittany wandering around the lot that same day, so apparently she can get off her bus of terror after all or I just got SimPe.  Either one.  Apricot was still being emo, but after a mini-affair with Megan she was a-okay!  Finally, the seven brats aged up into toddlers!!!  I left the four adults to deal with the impending doom and went back to play with Fanta and Genesis some more. Genesis began having multiple affairs, which she classified as just "friendly get-togethers".  Because hey, I know that whenever I hang out with my friends we always end up having hot passionate sex in a photobooth!  Why the hell wouldn't we?  Unfortunately, Kathleen caught Genesis in the act and decided to hate her forever, not that I blamed her one bit.  Chris found out, too, but didn't give a shit.  Eventually, though, Genesis' straying got her in even more trouble than ever: she became pregnant with Suzie the waitress' child.  Awesome.  When we last left off, Jennifer and Bea had just aged up into cute, redheaded toddlers!

Genesis: HOLY SHIT!  Look, Fanta, she's back!!!  =D

Fanta: Huh?  So?

Genesis: When she left last time, I thought she'd never come back!  I thought she'd just leave us here with two perpetually stinky toddlers forever!

Fanta: Yeah, but then we would've had eternal youth and hotness.  Isn't that more important?

Genesis: *ignore*  I MUST ALERT THE PRESSES!

Wouldn't that be Orenji and Sunset?  They're journalists.

Genesis: O_O  You're right!!!  *dials phone*  Oh Suuuuuuuuuuuunseeeeeeeeeet~!

Fanta: *sigh*

Genesis: Well, now that you're back, I better prep myself for more friendly get-togethers!  "Hey, baby, whaddya say to motorboating my---"

NO.  There will be no more of those for you, young lady!  Now that you're with child, you've gotta start being more responsible! 

Genesis: What?!  Why?

Because if Fanta of all people is more responsible than you, we've got a problem.

Genesis: Yeah, you've got a point there.

Jennifer: Why were you saying mean things about my mommy?  3=

No, you see, I was---oh, you mean Mommy #2?  Yeah, you're pretty much spot on.

Jennifer: Meanie.  I'm shunning you now.

Pfft, like a 2-year-old can shun me...

Jennifer: *shun*


Jennifer: *shun*

Um, how about we---

Jennifer: *shun*

Dammit, you win!

Why can't you be like Bea here and not give a shit about what I say?

Bea: *gurgle*  


Ah, Genesis.  Always so classy, you are.

Butterfly: Get me out of here!!!

Genesis: Oh god...I'm never eating at Taco Bell or Denny's ever again.  DX

While those places certainly don't help with morning sickness, I don't think they're solely to blame.  How about you stop sleeping with everything that has a heartbeat?

Genesis: NEVER!

Genesis: Ooh, look at me!  I'm being responsible and teaching my daughter to walk!  ...Can I go find a new fuckbuddy  now?


Genesis: Aww, c'mon!

Fanta: Why do I feel like my wife's hiding something from me??

Uh...I dunno.  Hey, you know what might be a good subject changer fun?  Listening to that new iPod that I just got you!

Fanta: Look, I don't think that's gonna be able to distract me from---

~five minutes later~


So, still worried about your wife?

Fanta: Hell yeah I am!  Right after this song I'm gonna go confront her and---

~five minutes later~

Fanta: 'Cause this is THRILLERRRRRR, THRILLER NIGHT...  *clap*

So, still worried about your wife?

Fanta: Well, maybe a little bit---

~five minutes later~


So, still worried about your wife?

Fanta: What wife?

Exactly.  >=]

Toilet: Come, Genesisssssssssssss...sit on meeeeeeeeeee....  *breathes out green fumes*

Genesis: On second thought, I'll just hold it.  =/

Good idea.  Where's Henry when you need him?

Henry the manmaid: I am NOT cleaning that shit up!!!!!


Genesis: Hey, you dick, that's MY PAPER.  Get your ass back here!

Chill out, Genesis, that's sea_serpent's Priscilla Scallywag.  I don't care if he steals your paper; I love that guy!  Everybody does!

Genesis: Bitch, I don't.

Fine, everybody except for you, apparently.  -_-

Genesis: But everybody loves me, that's for sure!  ;D


Because I don't think your stomach does.

Genesis: Oh god, the pain's unbearable!  DX  Just put me out of my misery!

Good lord, relax already!  You're just popping.  Everything's gonna be fine.

Genesis: Ohhhhhhhh...

Prof. Brenda: So, that jerk thinks she can cheat on me with Suzie, eh?

Cheat on you with Suzie?  So Genesis is "yours" now, too?

Prof. Brenda: Damn right she is!  LOL, she's gonna be so pissed once she sees what I'm about to do...

...Wait, what are you gonna do?!  Brenda, stay away from that trash can, do you hear me?!

Roaches: Problem?

Oh, fuck you.

Fanta: Man, something stinks! 

Lemme guess, is it the trash can?

Fanta: Well, it sure smells like it...

(Also, I'm surprised it took so long for Fanta to get thunderthighs, considering all the grilled cheese she eats!)

HA!  I've always gotten a kick out of that truck!  XD  Hey, wait, who's that?


Genesis: Lemme talk to her!  Lemme talk to her!

Genesis: ...Let's have an affair.

Alisha the exterminator: Uh, I think I'll pass.

Genesis: Don't hide from your desires!  You know you want some of the Gen-ster!

Genesis, just let her do her job.  -_-

Yussssss, finally!

Genesis: Do you think it'd be appropriate to hire a stripper for Jen's birthday party?

...What do you think?

Genesis: Well, I'm thinking that I'm incredibly horny and in need of some action.

Uh, no.

Well, there may be no strippers here, but we've got the next best thing: a sexy exterminator and a former prostitute!

Oh yeah, and Jeff, Sunset, Orenji, and Lauren the bartender...but somehow I have a feeling that that's not what you were looking for.

Anyway, goodbye, toddler Jennifer!

D'awwwww, super cute!  <3

Prof. Brenda: Yep, she suuuuuuuuuuuuure is...

I don't remember inviting you.

Prof. Brenda: You really think that'd stop me?  C'mon, you should be used to this by now.

Her makeover won't be new to anybody who's read update 3.2, but still...Gyahhhhh!

Well, at least this didn't happen during the party, I guess.

Genesis: ACK!  What's going on?!

You've been through this once before, remember?  Everything's fine.

Henry the manmaid: Please don't get shit on the floor again...Please don't get shit on the floor again...

And voila, she didn't!  =D 

Oh yeah, and it's a boy.  His name is Herbie.


...Really?  Okay.

So, Genesis, are you happy that you've finally got that bun out of your oven?

Genesis: Sure am!  Now that I'm not always puking, I've got time for other things!  *type*  Hey, wanna cyber?


Now Fanta, I can appreciate that you're a big girl and all, but could you possibly pick out that wedgie from time to time?  Thanks.

Now it's Bea's turn to grow up!

Too bad for you, Herbie.  You just have to lie in your own filth until the party's over.  Also, do you know why I named him Herbie?  Well, when he shits himself, his diaper becomes fully loaded!  Get it?  (Oh god, that was a terrible joke and a terrible movie...)

Make your wish, Bea!

Hey, you!  Stop blocking your face!  I wanna see how you turned out!

Aww, she's pretty!  =3

 And look!  Cornrows!  =D

Well, on that note, it's time to check in with Sunset and Apricot!

Oh good lord...  Bottles.  Bottles everywhere.  I don't think I wanna play with these guys anymore.  D=

Renesmee: Me neither.  I'm busting the fuck outta here.

...Aren't you forgetting something?

Yup, slow dancing while ignoring the seven screaming toddlers behind you is soooo romantic.  -_-  But hey, at least these two have resolved their differences from the last spare update.  =3

Sunset: Let's run away together, my darling!  Let's just run away and dump all these little monsters on Apricot and Jack!

Count Jeff: I'll meet you in the car!

Car privileges REVOKED.

The Deadbeats: Aww...

Carter: Zzz........getting...........heatstroke.............zzz...

Uh oh.  Sunset and Jeff are obviously resigned to their coffins for the day, and his parents are at work.  Plus Competent Nanny #2 has got better things to do, like keep the other six children from starving to death.  I bet the social worker's gonna have a field day with this one.  >.<

Competent Nanny #2: Been working.........for 18 straight hours............need water...........must care for little ones........

Agh, I'm sorry!  DX  If I was able to I'd totally have someone call for backup!

Hmmm, well, I guess this is close enough.

Orenji: Let's get you a bath and wash some of the steaming feces off you, bud.

Jasper: Oh, Daddy!  <3  You're my hero!

Count Jeff, in the nearby coffin: But I'm your daddy!  T_T  Aren't I your hero??

And this is coming from the guy who was just conspiring to abandon his whole family?

Oh, great.  This is JUST what we need!  Some bitch at Apricot's work gave her the swine flu.  >=[

But even so, things are still looking up!  The triplets are growing up soon and then will be out of my hair for good!  =D

Megan, the whole reason I let you stay after your shift was so you could help with some of the kids, not so you could perfect your guitar solo!  Ugh...

Orenji doesn't even get paid to be here, and he's doing more than his share already.  Thanks to him those poor kids haven't had to stew in their own filth for longer than 12 hours.

Competent Nanny #2: *takes a well-deserved power nap*

Jack: Bitch, did I dismiss you?  Get off your ass and pick up these bottles while I go eat bon-bons in the bathtub!

Jack, unless you wanna be impaled by a rusty harpoon in the next five seconds, I'd suggest that you rethink your attitude.  That "bitch" has been a better parent to your kids than you'll ever be.

Jack: *gulp*  Okay.

 Sunset: Oh Jefffffffffieeeeeeee!  You know what we should do?  ;D

Count Jeff: Are you kidding me?!  I'm never doing that with you again!  Just look at what happened LAST time!

Sunset: ...Are you serious?  Do you really think that I'm so stupid that I'm not on the pill by now?

Count Jeff: ...Oh.

Count Jeff: Then by all means, call me Edward!  *nuzzle*

Sunset: That's more like it.

Teh Vampires: *having loud, passionate, bed-breaking vampire intercourse*

Teh Small Children: OH MY GOD... D=

Renesmee: I am scarred for life.  I am OFFICIALLY SCARRED for life.

Oh Jesus, I am sooooo sorry you had to see that!  DX

Perhaps watching your cousins grow up will help ease the pain?  That way you can be around family members that love and care about y---  Shit, is that Brittany?!

 Orenji: Nobody told me Brittany would be here.  O_O  I feel like I need a rape whistle.

You and me both, honey.

Kii: Well, things could be worse.  She could be Brenda.

Oh, don't worry, I'm sure she'll find a way to crash the party later.

Kii: *sigh*  Awesome.

Genesis: Hmm, I wonder why Kathleen's glaring at me like that.

Chris: Genesis, I'd be more concerned with the fact that she's charging at you.

Me too.  -_-

Apricot: OMG, this is so scary!  What's going on?!

Oh, just a fight to the death between your beloved mother and best friend.  Nothing huge.

Fanta: Yeah, good luck with that, babe.  I'm gettin' me some grilled cheese.

Is anybody really that surprised?  Kathleen's one scary chick.

Kathleen: Haha, that'll teach you to screw around behind a Niji's back!

Apricot: Genesis, what's she talking about?  ...And why in god's name would you not wear underwear with a miniskirt?!

Genesis: It gets me laid faster!  SHADDUP!

Brittany: Hey, wait a minute...

Brittany: How can we be sure that she's not really wearing any underwear?  I better go check.  *drool*

Why did I even invite you?

Oh yeah, this is a birthday party.  Guess that's kind of hard to remember with all the drama going on.

Genesis: This lame-ass party does not recieve the Genesis stamp of approval.  >X[

Oh, shut up.  You're just mad that you got beat up by an old lady and then showed the whole family your lady bits.

Wow, he grew up well?!  I definitely wasn't expecting that!

Wow, I guess things were going better than I thought!  =D

Brittany: Hey, little boy, I'll be driving your bus tomorrow.  >=D

Peter: Oh god.  D8  *grows up badly*

Damn you, Brittany!  I was about to set a record here!  Thanks a lot!

Aww, look at how cute Lucy turned out!  ^_^  Like Strawberry, she also has Kathleen's eyes.

And I know that you guys already saw him last update, but still!!!  GAH!!!!  >w<  He totally did not turn out like I expected! 

And look, Peter's even got awesome studs to match his equally awesome outfit!  <3

Carter turned out well, too!  I think he has the typical "nice guy" look going.

Gotta make some adjustments to the Baby Barn!  Now it's the Baby Barn/ Kid Krawlspace!

But these two can't even let the party end on a happy note, oh nooooooooo!  Apparently terrorizing each other some more is more important.  *sigh*

Sunset: Let's make lo---

Count Jeff: UGH.

Sunset: Okay, what's your problem this time?

Count Jeff: You're gonna make me late for work, goddammit!

Sunset: Jeff, you work at McDonald's.  I'm sure they can get along fine without you for one measly shift.

...Or not.

Count Jeff: Oh my god.  What am I gonna do.  Oh god.  DX  

Dude, you've got thousands of dollars and everyone else in the house has a steady job.  I think you'll be fine.


But of course it won't ever be completely over, as you saw in 3.2.  >.<

But at least ol' Edward Jacob's doing fine.

...This seems inevitable after that horrible discovery she made in her parents' bedroom.

Sunset: Hey, look at the bright side, honey!  At least you'll totally ace sex ed in high school!

Not helping.

Count Jeff: Thank you lord in heaven...there's just one more...

Apricot: Yeah, seriously, I'm tired of the whole house smelling like butt from all the diapers!  Xp

Aww, this means that four of the kiddies grew up well!  I'm so proud of myself!  :'D

Edward Jacob: *calmly draws himself a bath*

Renesmee: Jackass, I was about to use that!  I'm going fucking RANCID here!

Calm down.  There are two other showers in this part of the lot alone.

Well, because I refuse to continue to deal with the insanity, let's skip to the quads' makeovers!


I'm surprised at how good a mix of her parents she turned out to be!

Edward Jacob! 

C'mon, with a name like that, you pretty much have to coat every square inch of his skin with makeup!  It'd be even better if he sparkled, though.  lol.

Edward Jacob: I feel pretty.  ^_^


His toddler hair was still working pretty well for him, so I kept it.

And finally, Renesmee!

Renesmee: Bitch please!  I'm not in the mood for posing like a damn doll!

Aww, pleeeeeeeeeease?

Renesmee: Ugh, fine.  But you can't make me smile.

Fair enough.  Wow, she's definitely got the most Niji in her!  With a different skintone and eyes I bet she'd be the spitting image of her mom!  And no, I totally did not slop eyeshadow on her to bring out her eyes.  *cough*

Well, anyway, this is the last you guys will see of the kiddies (because I'm so sick of playing them), so let's end this update with an upbeat image of two brothers becoming the best of friends.  Awww.  =3

Oh yeah, and with Peter's wicked cool studs, of course.  XD

Well, I'll see you guys next update as usual, but also when I put these guys' teen makeovers up for download!  =D  The downloads post should be up today or tomorrow at the latest!

And by the way, I'm sooooo sorry I was gone for so long!  Like I posted a couple weeks back, the new LJ editor screwed up this update that was pretty much ready to go, so I finally gave up and just put it all in a new entry so it would work.  But I know that that doesn't take a whole freaking MONTH, so I'll just offer one more excuse: I discovered that my family owns Super Smash Brothers Brawl.  Yeah.  I'm so ashamed of myself.  -_-

Anyway, see you next time~!

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Ahaha! XD I can't help it! I spent all of Labor Day weekend with my grandfather and he loves horrible puns just as much as I do!

Well, I think that the house is just so big that she couldn't even get to the bottles before her shift was over. It still totally sucked though. -_-

I...have no idea. Maybe somebody got interrupted while changing her? I just don't know.

lol, do you mean the traditional Niji nose? It's just so big and squishy looking; I love it!! I hope that I can somehow keep it going through the whole legacy...

I actually did write it in Word, but I guess I didn't think to try to copy and paste it all at once. Good idea, I'll see if that works next time! =]

Yay, I'm glad somebody understands!!! XD I always feel so lame catching on to this stuff so late, though...I mean, it's already been out for two years or so, right?

Thanks so much for reading! =D

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Oh yeah, I forgot about that! XD I'd definitely be worried about using a cleanbot, just because of the possibility of it barfing garbage all over the floor!

Oooh, I'm excited! ;D I'm always up for interesting simmie features!

Holy carp that baby barn full of bottlesssssss! :O
I seriously hoped you tipped that nanny!

Count Jeff (ppffffhahahaaa THAT NAME) has the best angryfaces. THE BEST. XD

And the kids are all adorable and don't resemble zoo animals so I'm officially jealous!

SOOOOOO many bottles... I wish that there was some option just to pick up all the bottles at once instead of having to click each individual one. >X[

And ohhhhh yeah, I so tipped her! I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. XD

Jeff really does! He loves making that face at such random times...usually right before he bangs his wife for some reason.

I agree, I think they turned out so cute! >w< And haha, is Zack REALLY that bad? I mean, giraffes are cute, right? And I suppose that you could say that the Nijis look like little piggies what with their noses...

Thanks for reading~! <3

Zack would be rather fetching if his nose were longer, and Dana is seriously growing on me (I LIKE giraffes.), but they have more, and EEH. XD

..Maybe Jeff just likes angry!sex?

Well, I'm definitely excited to see them! XD God knows The Sims could use more giraffes...

Or maybe it's a roleplaying thing. It seems like anything I've ever seen of Twilight Edward looks really pissed, so maybe Jeff's just trying to channel him. =p lol

Yayyy, another update!! Oh my god I loooove Genesis and her captive ass-butterfly. Half the things that come out of her mouth make me bust out laughing! And she's so classy and a great mother, to boot. ;D

I think I said this last time but Peter is SO cute! ♥ I don't remember seeing Lucy before but she's also darling. And Edward Jacob... I really can't decide which one I like best! Reneesmee Renessmee I CAN NEVER SPELL THIS RIGHT Renesmee wins brownie points by being a nudist.

So basically I love everything about this update. I'll go on forever! And who's your favorite SSB character? :D

Genesis was seriously the only thing that made Fanta's household bearable! All Fanta would ever want to do was eat, obviously, and the kids were kind of boring. =/ So I'm sooooo glad Genesis decided to step it up and become a complete whore! XD I really love the hell out of Romance sims...

I love Peter, too! <3 And I don't think Lucy was in last update, but oh well, more surprises for this one, I guess! ;D I'm actually surprised at how nicely Edward Jacob turned out...but then again, his father's handsome, so I suppose it'd only make sense that he's a little stunner, too.

And don't worry, I can never Renesmee's name either! XD I actually had to add it to Word's dictionary just so it could warn me when I started to mess up again. And awww yeah, gotta love nudists, lol! Who knows, maybe she's secretly Chris' kid?

Awww, thank you so much! <3 I'm glad it turned out well after putting it off for forever...LJ just can't cut me a break lately, it seems.

Hmmm, that's hard. I think I'll have to go with Sonic, just because when you're in midair you can just go "screw it" and have him do the lock-on attack over and over for who knows how long without even having to try. XD Also, I like the speed, obviously; walking for him is like running for everyone else. But Marth and the Ice Climbers are definitely a close second! How about yours? =D

Ok, so I finally finished reading this update and all I really have to say is: Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ Peter ♥ X3

Seriously, I want more updates with him…hell, I want an update [i]solely[/i] with him! Is there any way to wedge him into the regular legacy? X3

Oh, and THIS totally made my day (er, evening): “Get off your ass and pick up these bottles while I go eat bon-bons in the bathtub!” – I want to do that too!! (eating bon-bons while soaking in a tub full of nice-smelling hot water that is ;))

Priscilla Scallywag looks adorably in your game btw. I didn’t know him before but checked him out after seeing him here – and prefer his look in your game… *showers love over him*

I wish I could have your exterminator for my legacy, she’s so overly pretty!! *___*

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who loves the crap out of Peter! XD Before I posted the picture of him in the last regular update, I was kind of worried that everyone would be like, "Eh, he's okay."

Hmm, unless Orenji's kids decide that they're into incest... But now I'm kind of thinking of sending him to college with them!

Doesn't it just sound so relaxing?? I'm going to make it my goal right now to try that someday...or even just to try a bon-bon at ALL, actually.

Thanks! =3 I tried to get him as close as I could to how he looked in her game, so I'm glad that he's still cute! (Seriously, he is probably the most adorable and sweet sim ever gyahhhhhh...) Although I kind of wish that my S1 wasn't so incredibly pale on him...

My game really has been treating me well lately! Sometime I'll have to find an opportunity to take a picture of the Nijis' gardener! ;D

Thanks a bunch for reading! ^_^

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